


Indolesco

by Captain_Panda



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Gen, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Screenplay/Script Format, Time Travel Fix-It, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23685394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Panda/pseuds/Captain_Panda
Summary: EndgameAU. Steve wields the Infinity Gauntlet. Tony reels in the aftermath.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Avengers Team
Comments: 18
Kudos: 79





	Indolesco

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Saber_Wing](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saber_Wing/gifts).



> "I ache."  
> "I grieve."  
> "I feel pain at."  
> "I am troubled by."
> 
>  _Indolesco_ contains: (i) major character death, (ii) implied marital distance, (iii) marital quarrels, (iv) explicit language, and (v) mentions of self-sacrificial ideation (eg "it should have been me"). _Indolesco_ also contains (vi) characters in mourning and (vii) unhealthy coping mechanisms, including (viii) background alcoholism and (ix) glancing mentions of self-medication.
> 
> Furthermore, _Indolesco_ contains certain canon overtures, such as background **Pepperony** (Pepper/Tony). I want to make this point extremely clear: there is no "hate" or "anti-" quality to this story, nor was _Indolesco_ written as a commentary on Pepperony nor Pepper Potts. Rather, _Indolesco_ is about grieving and loss. It was undertaken in the most sensitive manner that I, the author, am capable of. As a spirited multi-shipper, it is never my intent to outright bash other ships, but the nature of this fic required strong emotion. 
> 
> Last but not least, this is my first published work for this fandom since my dear outsized _One-Man Army_ ran away from me. I had plans to wait until OMA was finished before publishing additional fics, but I am proud to make this exception.
> 
> P.S. This part of the Note is just for the one person who read the "Gifted to" line--you're the reason this fic exists. There are so many other words I could use here to describe what a joy and an inspiration you've been to me, but to me, being the reason a story exists is the highest compliment I could think to deliver, and it sums it all up neatly. <3
> 
> Cheers.  
> -Cap'n Panda

TONY Cap? Rogers? Shit. Hey, c’mon. Focus up. We need—we need—shit. Shit. You’re fine, you’re fine. You’re— _stay down_ , dammit—God, it shoulda been me, it shoulda been _me_ , I had it in my _hand_ , you self-righteous prick, I _had it_ and you—no, we’re not doing it this way, not today, _not like this_ , dammit—get me fucking _Strange_ , you bastards! Don’t just stand there! Didn’t come here to watch you die, Cap. You hear me, Steve? Didn’t come here to watch you die. You stay up or I’ll—

STEVE Tony. . . .

TONY Mm-hm, in the flesh—God, fuck, fuck, I hat—no, I’m not gonna—actually, know what? Fuck it, I _am_ gonna say it, because _you’re not gonna_ —fuck, I hate you, I hate you, I—

STEVE _Tony_. S’okay.

TONY No. No—

STEVE S’okay. Tony. . . .

TONY Fuck, stop talking. Please. I don’t beg. I just— [pause] Cap? Steve? Steve?

SAM Tony. . . Tony, let him go.

TONY What? [pause] What? Where’s—why isn’t—Steve? Rogers? Hey, c’mon, focus on me, listen to _me_ , you never—

SAM Stark—Tony, Tony—

RHODES I got it. I got it. [pause] Tony, easy. Easy.

TONY Oh, God. Oh, God.

RHODES I’ve got you, Tony.

TONY Get off of me, get off of me, let me—c’mon, Rogers—can you give me some fucking space here? He just can’t breathe!

RHODES He’s gone, Tony, he’s—stop it, just, stop it.

TONY Wake up, c’mon, wake up, I’m right here, everybody’s here, we won. We won, c’mon. You gotta get up.

RHODES Tony, please—please, Tony.

TONY I—I—I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe. I can’t— _get off of me_.

RHODES Thor—

THOR It’s all right. [pause] It’s all right. It’s all right.

TONY No—no, no, he’s— _Cap!_ C’mon, wake up, where’s—where’s _Strange_? We need—oh, God, we need—

THOR It’s all right, Stark. It’s—it’s all right.

TONY I need you! _I_ need you! Get the hell up, Rogers! I’m—I’m not gonna ask it again, get up, get up right now, or—fuck, lemme go, don’t do this, don’t—

THOR It’s all right. It’s all right.

TONY What’re you doing? What’re you doing? Get away from—Rhodes, don’t, oh, God, don’t. Don’t.

RHODES There. [pause] Now he could be sleeping.

TONY Fuck you. _Fuck_ you, fuck all of you, he’s—Steve! Please! Please! 

THOR It’s all right! [pause] It’s—all right.

TONY No—no, this isn’t—it was supposed to be _me_ , I _had it_ , I—oh, God, oh, God—it was—it was supposed to be _me_.

THOR It’s all right.

TONY Steve! Please!

THOR It’s all right. It’s—it’s— [pause] He’s resting now, Stark.

TONY No—no—he’s—Steve—Steve—please— _please_.

* * *

[PORCH, STARK RESIDENCE, one day after the BATTLE.]

HAPPY I barely knew him, and I— [pause] I can’t imagine, what it’s like, for you right now. [pause] But I think that, it gets harder, if we don’t—if we start to, you know, to let ourselves just, fold inwards, when this stuff happens—and you have every right, Tony, every right to—to grieve. You should, but—I think, maybe, it’ll be easier on you, less of a—eat with us. All right? I don’t care how much, just—sit down, have a bite with us tonight. I know it’s hard for you. I don’t pretend to know _how_ hard, can’t get inside your head, but—come eat with us. All right? It’s harder when you’re harder on yourself. [pause] I get it. I know you don’t want to—

TONY Get it? Do you? You _get it_? What it’s like to—[pause] I’m glad he’s gone. You hear me? I’m glad. Fuck Steve Rogers. All he ever did was cause me grief, and now, I’m finally free.

HAPPY . . . I know you’re upset, Tony—

TONY You don’t know anything. What you _know_ is what they, what all my _friends_ tell you. And they’ll tell you that Steve Rogers and I were teammates. We were work buddies. He was a self-righteous pain in my ass. We never _got_ each other. We never _liked_ each other. Then we had a real falling out and Thanos happened and we never had time to work shit out, and now he’s—now he’s _gone_ —[pause] Maybe I’ll sleep better. No more uncertainty.

HAPPY . . . It’s okay to grieve, Tony.

TONY The day I grieve Steve Rogers is the day I really have lost my mind. Fuck off, Happy. I’m fine. He’s dead, and that’s on him. I didn’t have anything to do with it. I _told_ —[pause] I don’t see why I owe him my _grief_.

* * *

[LAKESIDE, STARK RESIDENCE, shortly after MIDNIGHT, second day since the BATTLE.]

PEPPER What are you doing?

TONY If people keep asking me that, I’ll find a reason to do something stupid.

PEPPER Don’t joke like that.

TONY Why not? I thought people wanted me to be honest.

PEPPER Tony—

TONY How many times do I have to say _I hate him_ for people to believe me? I told him with his dying breaths that I hated him, and you people doubt me.

PEPPER Did you?

TONY Did I _what_?

PEPPER Did you?

TONY I’m glad he’s dead. If it wasn’t him, it would’ve been me. I’m glad it was him.

* * *

[FUNERAL HOME, BASEMENT, day of VIEWING, three days since the BATTLE.]

TONY My teeth hurt. Is that normal?

BRUCE Depends. [pause] Feels like it’ll never be normal again, doesn’t it?

TONY . . . Right. Don’t know why we’re here. You know?

BRUCE You don’t have to stay.

TONY Heard the hors d’oeuvres are to die for.

BRUCE Mm. I thought I’d miss your gallows humor.

TONY Doesn’t do it for you, huh?

BRUCE Not even a little.

TONY I thought you were the nice guy. Gonna hurt my feelings at a funeral? Even Fury was nice to me. Said—

BRUCE Yeah?

TONY He, uh. You know. They were—it was—[pause] They were close.

BRUCE Right.

TONY I hated my dad.

BRUCE Rumor has it.

TONY I miss the nice Bruce.

BRUCE No, you don’t.

TONY How do you know? Aren’t you supposed to be nice to me? I’m in mourning. I’ve heard I’m very fragile. Who knows what I could do with the right provocation?

BRUCE Yeah, you’re a walking powder keg.

TONY Gallows humor?

BRUCE I miss him, Tony.

TONY Don’t—

BRUCE I didn’t think he—

TONY I’m serious.

BRUCE No, listen to me.

TONY . . . All right.

BRUCE I didn’t think he could die. You know? Crazy as that sounds. I thought I was prepared for anything. When Clint—you know, when we—when we lost—Natasha, it—it was, was _something_ , but this—this just feels like . . . nothing. Where do we begin to go from here?

TONY We go to Friday. He wasn’t part of my plans. Was he part of yours?

BRUCE I just—if I take out my phone, I’m gonna see his name.

TONY . . . Don’t.

BRUCE And I can hit CALL—

TONY Fuck you. Fuck you. [pause] Fuck hors d’oeuvre. Natasha didn’t even _show_ , why should I have to stay the whole time?

BRUCE Because you need to.

TONY Don’t pretend to know what I _need_.

* * *

[FUNERAL HOME, outside MAIN VIEWING ROOM, SAME DAY.]

TONY My teeth hurt.

RHODES Stop grinding them.

TONY I’ll feel shit. I’ll feel _shit_.

RHODES There a difference?

TONY You lost soldiers.

RHODES Yeah. And I’m telling you. The longer you put it off, the shittier you’ll feel.

TONY Makes me feel better. We done here?

RHODES Yeah. We can be done here. You want me to give you a ride?

TONY Where?

RHODES Wherever you wanna go.

TONY Anywhere but here.

* * *

[RHODES RESIDENCE, inside SPARE BEDROOM. It is early in the morning on the fourth day since the BATTLE. TONY is on the floor, a bottle in hand.]

RHODES This seems healthy. Have you called Pepper yet?

TONY You’re lucky I haven’t crushed my phone.

RHODES Do you want me to talk to her?

TONY She’s my wife. Fuck you.

RHODES I’m your friend. And—

TONY If you say, _I miss him, too_ , I’ll sock you.

RHODES Nobody bounces back in three days. Nobody. All right? You need to let yourself feel like shit, but you also need to _let yourself_ feel like shit. This middle state between is insane—

TONY Maybe this is my sanity. Anybody ever tell you not to _judge_ someone’s grieving? Huh? I’m grieving. Look at me. I’ve got all the grief I need in this—[gesticulates with bottle] right here.

RHODES This isn’t grieving.

TONY I don’t have to _grieve_ a person I _despised_. I told him not to—and he did it _anyway_. I _had_ it. I don’t even know how he _got_ to the fucking gauntlet before I—

RHODES Guy always had reflexes like nobody’s business.

TONY Has. 

RHODES Tony. There’s counselors. Sam—you know him, he deals with this shit all the time. He’s got contacts. I’ve been through the wringer, so have you—you know this isn’t something you’re gonna stuff under a rug—

TONY Watch me.

RHODES Call her. Tell her where you are so she doesn’t think you jumped off a bridge.

TONY Maybe I want her to think I did, so I can finally get some peace and _quiet_.

RHODES Fine. I’ll call her.

TONY Fuck you.

RHODES You’re welcome. [pause] Those aren’t candy, you know.

TONY They are if you believe in them enough. [pause] My teeth hurt, Rhodes. I have a headache. _And_ a heart condition. Some would call this preventative care. I’m a fucking genius.

RHODES Tony. Knock it off. You’re drunk. Shouldn’t even be mixing.

TONY What? I can’t take a fucking _aspirin_ for a headache?

RHODES Short fall down a long slope.

TONY That case, I’ll just wash it down with something stronger, make you feel better, huh? Huh? Piece of—honestly, I don’t even know why I _came_. So fucking _mean_ to me, everybody’s got their own idea of what I’m supposed to be—aren’t you supposed to be nice to me? Grieving and all? Goddamn hypocrite.

RHODES I know you miss him.

TONY Get the fuck out.

RHODES It’s my home.

TONY Did I stutter?

RHODES You’re a mean drunk.

TONY Get the _fuck_ out.

RHODES You’re lucky I’m not taking you home. You have a daughter. You want her to see this?

TONY I hate you.

RHODES Yeah, that’s what I thought.

TONY I hate him. I told you. I told _him_. Nobody fucking believes me at my _word_. When’s it gonna be good enough, huh? Huh? When I die? You gonna believe it when it’s on my tombstone? _I hated him_. That what it’ll take?

RHODES . . . I’m gonna call your wife, and then I’m gonna get you a glass of water, all right?

TONY Fuck you.

RHODES You’re welcome.

* * *

[LAKESIDE, STARK RESIDENCE, prior to the BURIAL, fifth day since the BATTLE]

CLINT Two funerals in one month. [pause] I keep expecting to wake up. Roll over in the middle of the night, thinking—

TONY You pick up your phone, you could call him.

CLINT Yeah. Exactly.

TONY I deleted his number.

CLINT Damn.

TONY Gonna judge me?

CLINT No. No. Just—don’t know how you muster it up. That kind of strength. I still have Natasha’s.

TONY Me, too.

CLINT Oh. [pause] Oh.

TONY Gonna judge now?

CLINT No. [pause] No, that’s your prerogative.

TONY Good. [pause] You should go. I’m told I’m terrible company when I’m drunk.

CLINT Are you drunk? You seem—

TONY Not yet.

CLINT . . . We’re all in this, Stark. What comes next, we’re still a team. You’re not alone.

TONY Somehow, exactly as cheesy as I thought you would be. And twice as disappointing.

CLINT Well. We all know where the rallying speeches came from. I’m just the second batter.

TONY Welcome to first plate.

CLINT . . . you know, I keep hoping, despite everything, that—

TONY I know.

CLINT Yeah. [pause] I hold ‘em tighter. You know? It’s the only way I can—I hold ‘em tighter. They’re still alive. You gotta hold onto what’s still there, if you’re gonna get through what you lose.

TONY Can’t lose something you never had.

CLINT If you think you never had him, Stark—

TONY I didn’t.

CLINT Yeah. [pause] Hold onto what you’ve got. All right? I hate to see you alone.

TONY I work better alone. 

CLINT No man is an island.

TONY How poetic.

CLINT Stole it from a fortune cookie.

TONY Enjoy the funeral, Barton.

CLINT You know where to find me, Tony.

* * *

[LAKESIDE, STARK RESIDENCE, after the BURIAL, SAME DAY.]

FURY I know we won.

TONY Said with such conviction.

FURY Yet a part of me wishes we had left him in the ice.

TONY Now you understand. [pause] Does it feel good? Knowing that you were the man who killed him?

FURY No. [pause] It just feels inevitable.

TONY Inevitable.

FURY I’ve had time to ruminate, Stark—I know you think I’m incapable of it.

TONY I’m beyond thinking for you; I’m not paid enough to do it.

FURY I think he wasn’t happy here.

TONY What a staggering insight. I’m sure it never occurred to the rest of us. How could anyone ever be dissatisfied seventy years from home?

FURY I think . . . I think, this, for him—this was his good ending.

TONY . . . Don’t ever say that again. Don’t even _imply_ it.

FURY He crashed a plane in the ice, seventy years ago. This—this was—

TONY Inevitable? You know whose word that is, Nick? Know who believed this was the right outcome? The giant fucking monster who brought this hell down on us in the first place. You wanna tell me that this, that putting Steve Rogers in the ground, is our _happy ending?_

FURY No. Not ours.

TONY God, I knew I hated you. All that, all those unshed tears—were they for show? Do you think he’s at _peace_ , Nick? Welcomed to the pearly gates with open arms? Because I don’t believe in that, Nick. I don’t think there is anything but _oblivion_ , faceless and thankless, after we cut the cord. You think _that_ , the same endless unceasing darkness you _spawned_ from, is where Steve Rogers deserved to be at the end of all this? You think that he _deserved_ to cease to exist at thirty-eight years old? He doesn’t get to _rest_. He’s just fucking _gone_ , you bastard. There is no _ending_ , there’s no _nothing_. He’s _gone_. None of you fuckers gets that—you let him _die_ because you thought he’d be _better off dead_. [pause] Get out. And don’t ever talk to me again. Or I swear to everything unholy, Nick—I won’t be as charitable.

FURY I’m sorry for your loss, Stark. I really am.

TONY There it is. The platitude I’ve been holding my breath for. I can’t wait to repeat it at your funeral. I’ll outlive you to spite you. I’ll outlive all of you, to spite you, just so you can know ahead of me that there is _nothing_. Natasha Romanoff is _gone_ , Steve Rogers is _gone_ , and you wanna pretend that they’re happy now? Go fucking for it. But don’t you dare try to tell me he _deserved_ this. [pause] _I_ —[pause] Get out. Leave. Don’t ever talk to me again, all right? I’m done with your fucking Avengers Initiative; you’ll be lucky if I ever let you _near_ Iron Man again.

* * *

[STARK RESIDENCE, around midnight, one week since the BATTLE.]

PEPPER Tony.

TONY Did I say I wanted company?

PEPPER What are you doing?

TONY Did I _say_ I—

PEPPER You can’t do this to yourself.

TONY I can do _whatever I want_ to myself. I’m still _here_ , I have _choices_. I _get_ to do this to myself.

PEPPER Drinking yourself numb isn’t going to bring him back, Tony.

TONY I don’t want to bring him back. I want him to rot. I want him to decay in my memory. I want him to cease to exist.

MORGAN Who?

PEPPER Oh, sweet pea—not now—

TONY A very bad man, sweetheart. Go back to bed.

PEPPER _Tony_ —

TONY Pepper, I’m _handling_ —

MORGAN Why are—are you—are you fighting?

TONY No, honey. Go back to bed.

MORGAN Who should rot?

TONY _No one_ , Morgan. Daddy spoke without thinking. Very silly of him.

MORGAN Is—is this about—

PEPPER Sweetheart—please just—

TONY No—no, let her say it. Let her say it.

PEPPER _No_ , Tony. Morgan. Go back to bed. Now.

MORGAN Okay, Mommy. Goodnight, Daddy.

TONY You can say it! It’s not a bad word! His name isn’t a fucking curse!

PEPPER _Tony!_

MORGAN I’m sorry, Daddy.

TONY No, don’t—Jesus, don’t apologize. I’m going. I’m going. I need some air.

PEPPER Yes—you do. You do. Don’t—just—

TONY I know. I know.

MORGAN Daddy?

PEPPER He’s fine. He’s fine—he’s just going to—

TONY Take a fucking _walk_ , I just—I’m—I’m sorry.

PEPPER Go. Please.

TONY I’m sorry.

PEPPER _Now_ , Tony.

TONY Okay. Okay.

* * *

[RHODES RESIDENCE, SAME NIGHT]

RHODES Oh, Tony.

TONY I’m sorry.

RHODES What happened?

TONY Can I trade places already?

RHODES Come on in.

TONY Because I’d really rather just be dead.

RHODES Oh, Tony.

* * *

RHODES Tell me what happened.

TONY I lashed out. At them. At my own _daughter_. What kind of—

RHODES Are they okay?

TONY I don’t know. I don’t know. I didn’t touch them. I just—I yelled at Pepper, I yelled at—I—I’m worse than my father. He didn’t do this, he—he was _calm_ , and I just—I lost it. I’m losing it.

RHODES He didn’t lose his friend, Tony.

TONY Yes— _yes_ , he did. That’s _exactly_ what he did. And he spent the rest of his life trying to fix it. And you know what? It killed him. It ruined him.

RHODES Tony—

TONY Is it gonna ruin me?

RHODES I’m here.

TONY Is it gonna ruin me?

RHODES No.

TONY How do you know?

RHODES I’ve known you two-thirds of our lives. I know.

TONY I feel sick. I might be sick.

RHODES It’s only been a week, Tony.

TONY God. God. Is this what it’s going to be like? For the rest of forever?

RHODES No. Just—for the next while.

TONY My stomach hurts.

RHODES I have TUMS.

TONY I don’t like TUMS. They taste like chalk.

RHODES Yeah, well. It’s that or you sit with it.

TONY I’ll take the TUMS.

RHODES Good choice.

TONY I’m sorry.

RHODES You wouldn’t be Tony Stark if you weren’t at least a little bit off the walls sometimes, Tony. It’s okay.

TONY Am I a monster?

RHODES No.

TONY I—Rhodey, I told him—

RHODES I was there.

TONY I told him—I said I hated him. [pause] He died. He wasn’t supposed to die.

RHODES It’s okay, Tony.

TONY I didn’t think he would die. I didn’t want him to. I was so—I was—I was _desperate_ , I wanted to _jinx it_ , you know? Make it impossible. Do something. _Anything_. Anything I could say to make it not happen. If I—if I—if I said something, something like _I lo—_

RHODES I know. It’s okay, Tony.

TONY It didn’t work. It didn’t—and that was—

RHODES Listen to me.

TONY Oh, God.

RHODES Listen to me, Tony. [pause] Hey. He—Tony, he _knew_. All right? He knew.

TONY Oh, God. Oh, God.

RHODES It didn’t—I don’t want to say it didn’t _matter_ , of course it mattered to you, but—he knew. He already knew.

TONY I shouldn’t have said it. I should’ve said nothing. I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.

RHODES No. It was good. That you talked. It was—Tony, it was _I love you_. [pause] Hey, come here. [pause] It’s okay. I know. I know it’s not okay. There’s a hole in my chest and I just wanna hear his damn voice telling me it’s gonna be okay. I can’t believe how big that guy was in _my_ life, but Tony—anybody, _everybody_ , could see what he meant to you. 

TONY He didn’t mean a thing. He didn’t—

RHODES Yeah, that’s why he came back, right? That’s why he stayed with the Avengers, even when he went off the grid? That man was tortured by how much he wanted to stay with you, how much he wanted to stay with us. He was one _iota_ less stubborn, I guarantee he would’ve stayed. I think we almost had him, too. We almost damn had him, Tony. Wish we could’ve gotten him, kept the family together. We were that close. But—I don’t know, Tony. I lost my legs because of that shit, and I still think, somehow, that was the right thing. That it all led to—to us, coming out of it. I’ve given up being mad on shit that already happened—I gave up on it a long time ago, being in the military. You just move on. You let go. And you hold what matters closer.

TONY Fury said—this, this is our—our _good_ ending. It’s what Strange said, too. _One in fourteen million_. We win. He didn’t say how. He didn’t say what it would _take_. Apparently, we only all make it in one. We lost. We still lost. We still—

RHODES Hey, hey, hey—easy, easy, easy. [pause] I know. I know. I want it to be over. I want it to be a dream. I wanna wake up tomorrow and leap outta bed and get breakfast with you guys. Remember those days? It all felt so new.

TONY I hated breakfast with him. He judged me.

RHODES You do use an unholy amount of whipped cream on your pancakes.

TONY He _judged_ me.

RHODES He loved you.

TONY Don’t.

RHODES He loved you. He still does.

TONY How? How _can_ he? He’s dead.

RHODES Not to you. Not to me. As long as we’re alive, Tony—he’s alive to us. He’s part of us. And he loved you. He did what he did _because_ he loved you.

TONY Jesus. I’m gonna be sick.

RHODES Easy. [pause] I knew he would. If push came to shove—he always looked after his own. Looked after _us_. He’d move heaven and earth before he’d let any of us come to harm. He saw you take the fall, get knocked aside. He knew you’d get back up—and I wanted to grab him, but part of me—and I’ll carry this, Tony, for the rest of my life—I let him, I saw him go for the gauntlet and I let him. Because I knew if you got there, it would’ve been you.

TONY It should’ve been me. It should’ve been me.

RHODES I know. I know that’s what you wanted. You wanted to keep us safe. You did. You did keep us safe. And, it was a fluke, Tony. If you’d hit the ground, kept the gauntlet? That would’ve been it. But it came loose. And I thought, _Let him_. If he wanted it, _Let him_. It was his choice. 

TONY God. You should’ve—

RHODES I didn’t. I’m glad I didn’t. You should’ve seen him. You were still on the ground. I was there. Could’ve swept in. Blown it, really—Thanos would’ve squashed me like a bug. But I was up there, I watched—and I’ve never seen a man that calm. That relieved. He was relieved, Tony. He was so, so grateful to be holding that gauntlet.

TONY Stop. Please. I can’t—I—

RHODES I just, I want you to know that. That just before he snapped his fingers, he was _relieved_. It wasn’t an act of reckless courage. He knew what he was doing. He was protecting you. He was protecting _us_ , all of us. He knew you would’ve done it. He knew how brave you were, how far you’d go. And he wanted to take the fall for you. He was happy to take the fall for you, Tony.

TONY I’m gonna—

RHODES Oh, Tony. [pause] It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m right here.

* * *

[STARK RESIDENCE, THREE WEEKS since the BATTLE]

TONY I love you.

PEPPER No, you love the idea of me. [pause] I love you, Tony.

TONY . . . Did I love the—

PEPPER No. No. [pause] That’s what will always eat at us, isn’t it? The what ifs?

TONY This isn’t goodbye.

PEPPER Yes, it is. [pause] You know, I knew.

TONY Knew?

PEPPER When you told me. When you committed to the plan. And then—he died for you. And where does that leave you? Living a life you didn’t plan to.

TONY This is a life I planned. I dreamt about Morgan. I married you. I planned this.

PEPPER No, you didn’t plan this—you didn’t plan for him. For him not being here.

TONY He was never part of my plans. Background noise.

PEPPER Your heartbeat is background noise, Tony. Doesn’t make it anything less than the rhythm of your life. Iron Man—the Avengers. You don’t plan these things. But you notice them.

TONY . . . I got rid of the suits. I did the right thing.

PEPPER Can you get rid of how they made you feel? Do you even want to?

TONY I wanted to be good for you.

PEPPER Oh, Tony. [pause] I love that you love so deeply. And I know—I know that you loved him. 

TONY I was never disloyal.

PEPPER No, I know. [pause] I know. I’m not saying— _that’s_ why this has to end. You’re very loyal. It’s sweet. But—I’m not the one you want to be loyal to.

TONY He’s dead. You’re not. This is insanity.

PEPPER I can’t be a placeholder love, Tony.

TONY You never were.

PEPPER I know. [pause] I want you to be happy. And I think, this will be good for both of us. For now. And, who knows. Maybe, in time—

TONY Once I’ve “grieved.”

PEPPER Tony. Honey.

TONY I know. I know. It’s not a bracketed thing. [pause] God, I wish it was a bracketed thing. I can’t even—I just—

PEPPER It’s okay, Tony. [pause] And it will be. It takes time. It does. But it will be okay.

TONY I’ll be good. I’ll be better. I’ll get better.

PEPPER Don’t do it for me. Okay? Do it for you. 

TONY I don’t even know who I want to be anymore.

PEPPER Then that’s where you start. Figure out what you want to be. Who you want to be. Live that life. And, if you decide to come back—we’ll talk. Okay?

TONY I love you.

PEPPER I love you, too.

TONY Not goodbye. Just—

PEPPER “Until next time.”

TONY . . . I like that. “Until next time.”

* * *

[AVENGERS COMPOUND, 2023, THREE DAYS PRIOR to BATTLE; TIME TRAVEL EVENT]

TONY . . . Steve?

STEVE Hey, Tony. I—[pause] What’s wrong?

TONY I just—I just—I need to hold onto you, okay? Don’t ask me why, don’t even—I need this. Please. I know it’s crazy.

STEVE Hey, s’okay. It’s not—everything’s crazy, Tony, you’re human to—hey, shh. Shh. Tony, what’s—

TONY Too long to explain right now, just—please—

STEVE S’okay. I’ve got you. [pause] Gotta say, Stark—

TONY “Tony.” Please.

STEVE . . . Oh, Tony. 

TONY I need to—I need to talk to you. 

STEVE Yeah. Sure. Sure.

TONY No, you don’t—God, you can’t understand. You can’t—

STEVE Shh. S’okay. I’m a fast learner. Should see how fast I can type now.

TONY God, I hat—I—

STEVE Tony? You okay?

TONY I—I don’t wanna—not like this. Please?

STEVE Okay. Okay. 

TONY No, not okay—argue with me. Yell at me. You’re supposed to be—God, you’re supposed to be—I _hated_ you—

STEVE Yeah, I—I know, Tony. I know. S’okay. I’m not—I don’t expect you to—

TONY I don’t _want_ to hate you. And I’m not going to, not till the day we die, not till the rest of forever, you hear me?

STEVE . . . Tony, is everything okay?

TONY Can’t explain it. Not right now. Don’t ask me. Please.

STEVE Okay. Okay. I won’t.

TONY Please. I’m begging you.

STEVE Shh. Hey. C’mere. [pause] It’s gonna be okay. You hear me? I know, I know times are tough. I know this is—we failed, and now we gotta try again, and there’s every chance—there’s a _lot_ of chances that we could fail. But we got the best and brightest team there is. And—sure, maybe we’re a little out of sorts, and I know that _we’re_ a little out of sorts—

TONY We’re perfect.

STEVE . . . Tony, I—I won’t pretend to know what’s going on in that brilliant mind of yours, but—it’s been a long, long five years. And we aren’t the same people we were, twelve years ago, when Fury called us all together. We weren’t even all that nice to each other, then. But—I know I, I drove us apart. I—broke us apart. And I’d give—

TONY It’s okay.

STEVE No, it’s—what?

TONY It’s over. It _happened_. Right? The worst already happened. But now we’re here. We get to _start over_. Do you understand?

STEVE . . . Yeah? Maybe? I don’t know, Tony. I want to. [pause] I really, really want to. I didn’t—but I _wanted_ to—there were so many times, Tony. When I wanted to—but I never—I didn’t—I should’ve—

TONY I might not have picked up.

STEVE I should’ve tried. You might’ve picked up. You know? Kind of cowardly Captain America thing is it, not even to call?

TONY I don’t give a damn about him. I give a damn about Steve Rogers, right here, right _now_. All right? Forget about the calls we didn’t make yesterday. Think about who we are right now. You and me.

STEVE . . . I like that. I—I don’t understand, Tony. You—this—am I dreaming?

TONY It’s a long story.

STEVE Yeah, I’m beginning to see. But—

TONY Shh. I’ll explain. I will. I just—I just want to—dammit, Steve, I just want to _hold_ you, all right?

STEVE Can’t imagine ever saying _no_ to that. Are you sure you’re okay?

TONY “Okay” and I are in separate planetary systems, but it’s sweet of you to ask.

STEVE We’re gonna be okay.

TONY Yeah. Yeah, we are. Know why?

STEVE Mm?

TONY Not gonna fuck up this time. We’re in it together. And, hey—Steve?

STEVE Yeah?

TONY I love you.

STEVE Oh. [pause] I—oh. [pause] I—Tony—this—what’s going on? Is this—? Are you—

TONY Steve. Look at me. [pause] I—love—you. And I’m not gonna waste the next ten years finding ways to avoid saying it. I’m not gonna lose you again.

STEVE Again? Oh. [pause] Oh.

TONY Yeah. _Oh_. C’mere. God. You’re so disgustingly noble. I make a _perfect_ plan, and you—

STEVE I don’t know what—

TONY No, I know. I won’t spoil it. Honestly, I’m the only one who has to have nightmares about it, so far. It’s better that way. I don’t want you to have nightmares about it, too.

STEVE I’m sorry, Tony.

TONY Don’t apologize. It was very sweet of you. Don’t ever do it again—

STEVE Can’t promise that if I don’t know what it is, Tony.

TONY You’ll know it when you see it.

STEVE Tony. . . .

TONY Shh. Okay? I promise. We’ll make it work, this time. Everything’ll be okay. 

STEVE . . . Okay, Tony.

TONY Yeah?

STEVE Yeah. [pause] Yeah. [pause] Thank you.

TONY For?

STEVE Been a long time since anybody’s—well. I just—I’m not made of stone. This is nice. 

TONY . . . I love you.

STEVE Yeah. I—I—

TONY I know.

STEVE Yeah?

TONY Mm-hm.

STEVE How?

TONY Call it a sixth sense.

STEVE Mm. [pause] I do love you. I’d die for—

TONY I know. I wish you wouldn’t. God, I wish you wouldn’t.

STEVE You’re—you, Tony.

TONY I’m not worth it. I promise you.

STEVE You’re worth it to me.

TONY Fuck. I love you.

STEVE I love you, too.


End file.
